Amazon is Amazing until....

If we had a conversation in the past month that wasn't about my new workout regimen or the election, I can pretty much guarantee I was waxing poetic on Amazon Prime. I probably berated myself for being late to the party and joining only about 11 months ago. However, I think I've done my part in ordering everything from cereal to orthotics to clear mascara (if you're not taming your eyebrows this way, you don't know what you're missing). I've watched show's on Amazon (Red Oaks anyone? Fast Times at Ridgemont High meets Caddyshack meets The Goldbergs) and of course my ongoing and undying devotion to the Amazon Kindle store.

However, it wasn't til last month that I discovered the Amazon Dash Button. And as with most well-intentioned moves in my life, this one went sideways too. Here's how it all went down.

October 23: I placed my order for 5 of the infamous Dash Buttons. These little gems make remembering to re-order your most common items idiot-proof. You place the little button in the area where you store the product and when you are nearly out of that item, you press the button and voila -- in two days, your item arrives at your doorstep.

October 25: They arrive! I'm so excited I photograph the buttons and actually text this picture to 8 friends who are not nearly as enthused as I'd expect.

October 26: I synch each one up to my wifi, and on Amazon.com I select the exact item to be associated with my account. For example, I always want the Charmin button to order 24 rolls of Mega Ultra Soft. The buttons are self-sticking so I put the Tide one in a laundry room cabinet; the Cascade under the kitchen sink and so forth.

October 27: Unexpectedly I get an email from Amazon telling me that my order of 24 rolls of Charmin are on the way. Well, that's weird. I didn't place an order. Was it possible I accidentally hit the order button while installing it above my toilet paper stash in the garage? I think that's a reasonable explanation and don't think of it again. (Until tomorrow)

October 28: I get an email from Amazon telling me my 12 giant rolls of Bounty Select-a-Size paper towels are on the way. Huh? I definitely didn't order these. Luckily I jump online and cancel the order no problem.

October 29: The aforementioned 24 rolls of Charmin arrive.

October 30: I get another email from Amazon telling me that my order of 24 (more) rolls of Charmin are on the way. What in the name of urinary tract infections is going on here??!! I jump online to cancel the order, but am told it's too late and they've already left the warehouse. I immediately disconnect my Charmin and Bounty Dash service. I also decide to host an exorcism. When I can't find our Ouija Board, I order a new one on Prime.

November 1: The second shipment of 24 rolls of Charmin arrives.

November 2: I ask myself WWRSD (What would Remington Steele Do)? Are my kids effing with me? Is the ghost of Mr. Whipple pissed off because I briefly used Costco brand TP for a few months back in 2014?  Then I find these on the garage floor.

So the culprit is not a mustachioed, bespectacled, lab coat-wearing pitchman from beyond the grave, but in fact a 4-legged goofball puppy with questionable intelligence and an apparent love of online shopping. Yes, Luna Virden, has been taking it upon herself to order an abundance of paper products. With each crunch and munch.

I still think the Dash buttons are awesome for the brand loyal, but beware -- the sticker on the back is not very durable as mine were off the shelf and on the ground in one day. But how can you stay mad this face? It's just too bad I wasn't a quicker picker upper!